Below are just some thoughts regarding something in my life. Feel free to scroll on if it doesn’t interest you. 🙂
You don’t care. I don’t expect you to, but I wish you’d understand what I am going through. I wish I could talk to you. The ghosts of my past reappear through your distance. I wanted you to be someone who you clearly are not – compassionate, caring and understanding, but you’ve made it clear to me that you don’t want me in your life… Do you have any idea how painful to realize this is?
If things worked out between us, I totally wanted to ask you to be a mentor. I totally wanted us to develop a close friendship/work partnership. We would’ve, could’ve really had something. But no. I feel like somehow what we could’ve had was sabotaged. Destroyed. Taken away. You also didn’t see how much of my heart went into that position, did you? To be suddenly taken out of that situation, my whole world fell apart. My heart is still very much there.
I am living my biggest fear through your decision making. To have failed, and to have someone fail you. The fear of failure, disappointment… I went through embarrassment, humiliation, anger – not at you – but at myself for failing, and then extreme grief and loss. But I can’t say anything, because I know you really don’t care. Or at least you are pretending that you don’t. And you know? That hurts, a lot.